Briefing on the 90s

February 12, 1993

All you post-80’s Americans, or post-80’s post-Americans, have got your wish: the Ultra-Left is in power in Washington. Draft-dodging owl-coddlers, foreign-named poets, quota’d cabinets, the whole sordid tax-and-spend crowd. But wait, let’s review our accomplishments before we plot the demise of the post-Commies.

In the eighties we evolved a new, post-Vietnam Syndrome approach to the problems of the Third World that we had created. It was called Low Intensity Conquest. I took the post of Chief Perception Manager for this campaign for Semi-Voluntary Authoritarianism, and we did it my way. Namely, you didn’t hear about it. The goal was to curtail ultranationalism, that is, their national-ism. Oh, there might someday be a country where the people could be independent-minded and democratic-minded and still get along with us. But till now there’s no such place—we’ll see to that.

After an intensive search we found the new enemy: Drugs. But questions were even raised about the drug war: Was it actually a cover for anti-insurgent wars? Well, I would never want to be the one to stand up here and say yes or no to a question that demanded that type of response as such. I would encourage you to have the wisdom to accept that which I will not deny. Remember: No brain, no pain.

After many years of self-styled demonstrations and so-called revolutions in Central America we are now encouraging you to see many changes in that part of our yard. In Guatemala, we are still looking for evidence that the conservative government there supports death squads. And if we find any evidence, we’re going to commission a study, because 70,000 people have died down there, mostly victims of the terrorists and the crossfire, with some 246 killed by the death squads also, and if the toll tops 100,000, then we are going to cut our aid, our civilian aid, because there will be fewer civilians. So you professional protesters will have to find something else to complain about. I’ll try to help.

George Bush may have left the White House with the economy in tatters and the evidence in shreds, but he left with his head held high, his conscience pardoned and his wrists unshackled. He is not a crook. Can we trust Bill Clinton to uphold the same standards? In my next column I’ll take a look at the Clinton gang: the good, the bad and the millionaires; I’ll also detail the role of the new CIA in the New American Order.


Singing CIA Agent George Shrub Explains the World Away Copyright © by davelipp. All Rights Reserved.

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