News Speak 1

January 3, 1991

The White House has confirmed what everyone already knew: that the current economic downturn will be over by summer. There have been differences among economic advisers over whether the country has entered a slowdown, but all are agreed the worst is over.

The President has issued a new, tougher, more manly and yet flexible ultimatum to the Iraqis, allowing them to choose their own appointment for a meeting with the US, anytime between noon and 8:30 on January 12.

Meanwhile, Iraq has released a document purporting to show that the crisis was deliberately provoked by the CIA in collusion with Emir of Kuwait. The document is an alleged report on meetings between CIA and Kuwaiti officials planning economic warfare against Iraq. The CIA has branded the document a fake, saying “We ought to know.”

And the struggle continues between Congress and the executive branch over who has the power to make war. The President insists he must have the leeway to act quickly in the face of any Iraqi provocation we may luck into.

Meanwhile, the FBI has ordered a close watch on suspected terrorist organizations, students linked to terrorist groups, and significant others of students with ties to organizations that are now or may have ever been sympathetic to the philosophical goals espoused by some terrorists, or anyone with a thick accent.

With the US death toll from crashing copters, steam leaks and misdirected friendly fire approaching 100, hopes have risen that we may not actually have to go to war in the Gulf to get the usual result.

California Governor-elect Pete Wilson has chosen Orange County pal John Seymour to succeed him in the $20 million position of US Senator. The job costs $20 million to procure, but pays considerably less, on the books.

The Bush administration has toned down its proposed national energy plan, eliminating radical provisions such as higher gas mileage requirements. President Bush has been said by insiders to be pro-business.

Vice President Quayle, who recently completed his first military tour of duty overseas, says he will continue to play golf at suburban Washington’s Burning Tree Country Club even though it bars women from its course. Mr. Quayle said he thought the rule might change sometime but he had little influence and that he respected local traditions and would not let his wife drive there or in Saudi Arabia. Reporters declined to question the Vice President on his decision, as a courtesy to the public.

January 11, 1991

As the United Nations secretary-general met with Saddam Hussein, Congress voted to give President Bush permission to destroy Kuwait in order to save it. British Prime Minister John Major says Saddam Hussein still has time to rethink. President Bush, however, is said to have a full schedule. Secretary of State Baker said there had been no movement on the Iraqis’ part, except for their proposal of an “Arab solution,” which no one takes seriously, least of all Mr. Baker.

Monday was Veteran’s Day, but the parade passed with little notice, since people have become accustomed to seeing veterans on the streets.

Louisiana gubernatorial candidate David Duke has repeated that he repudiates his past. He remains active in the National Association for the Advancement of White People, but he has promised to repudiate that as well, as soon as it is in his past.

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Singing CIA Agent George Shrub Explains the World Away Copyright © by davelipp. All Rights Reserved.

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